In someone else's words.

There is so much I can say about my love for writing.  There are many, many quotes that can easily translate my feelings about it.  Here are a few of my favorites and why I like them.  

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.  

~Anaïs Nin

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.  

~William Wordsworth

These quotes are similar to the one on my banner.  I stumble over words when I speak.  When I write, my thoughts flow.  I can't get them down as fast as they come.  I communicate my thoughts better in writing.  When I'm angry or sad, writing eases my emotion and calms me down.  Writing lets me express the words that are difficult for me to say. 

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.  

~E.L. Doctorow

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad. 

~Lord Byron

These quotes makes me laugh.  When I write, my thoughts can go a million miles a minute.  I can go from one subject to another before I even finish my thought on the first!  I start to fill overwhelmed, stressed, when I don't write things down and get them off my chest.  Writing is my therapy.  I can literally go crazy filled up with emotion if I don't get it out!

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise.  The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.  

~Sylvia Plath

I've always been a writer.  Writing was my favorite thing to do in school, whether it was a creative writing assignment or an essay in history.  Then I'd go home and write more in my journal.  But it wasn't until recently that I actually admitted to myself I wanted to be a writer.  "The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."  My self doubt was questioning my ability to make a career out of my love of writing.  

Write down the thoughts of the moment.  Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable.  

~Francis Bacon

Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning:  I wanted to know what I was going to say.  

~Sharon O'Brien

The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes.  

~Agatha Christie

So true!  I can have nothing on my mind, but once I put my pen to paper and let my thoughts flow, I never know where I will end up!  I have little notes in all of my purses, scattered in and on my desk.  I have a list in my phone.  You never know when those ideas or phrases will come to you!

Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.  

~Nathaniel Hawthorne

To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music the words make.  

~Truman Capote

I love these quotes!  Taylor Swift said something similar about when she discovered poetry.  She said she realized you could make words bounce of the page.  Good writing is live writing.  You can see it when you read it.

Negative Impact

I am really, really, really frustrated and need to get a few things off my chest.

Life is stressing me out.  The things that are beyond my control, and in my future.  Things I can do absolutely nothing about at the moment, I am freaking out over.  And actually the things I can do something about, I've already done something about, but it's not coming around fast enough!

All I've been hearing about in the office the past few months is Health Care.  What kind of impact it is going to have on the company, the employees, their families, and our country.  I'm not offered insurance through my job.  They keep me at 35 hours, (so they don't have to pay for it).  I'm on my own.  It's unbelievable the amount of money that will be coming out of their paychecks to have health insurance for their families.  We got bombarded with phone calls today by employees who are freaking out.  They can't afford the outrageous cost every week.  It's truly sad.

I am hurting for the employees who live on a tight budget as it is.  The ones who won't be able to afford health care for their wives and children.  I am sad for our country.  I'm seeing the hard working class people suffering the most in these economic times.  They've lost jobs, homes, savings, retirement.  And now many of them will have lost their insurance also.

This frightens me for my future.  How will I do it?  I'm just starting out.  People over twice my age are coming out of retirement, because they can't afford to be retired anymore.  I've decided to go back to school, but I still have a few years before I earn a degree.  How will I pay for insurance and living expenses while I go to school full time?  On top of that I will have a huge burden of debt from financial aid.  How will I pay off my debt and still save money to one day own a home?  How will I afford to have children and save for their futures?

I don't know how people do it.  I've asked my mom, and she doesn't know.  I've asked my grandma, and she doesn't know.  I'm not even guaranteed a well paying career when I get a degree.  I am young, but I'm not that young.  I feel like I need to start securing for my future now, because I don't want to be that 69 year old coming out of retirement, because I can't afford my mortgage.

Times are tough, and it's really scary.

Clint Eastwood.

I've been watching old Western movies ever since I can remember.  I used to like them, but as high school came around I thought they were lame.  Of course.  Typical teenager.  Country Western is in my blood whether I want to admit it or not.  Country is who I am.  I grew up watching westerns, shooting guns, working on the property and at the ranch.  My mom's family are cowboys and farmers.  My dad's family are cowboys and farmers.  My future is inevitable!

I've seen Lonesome Dove, I can't tell you how many times.  It's seriously ridiculous.  For Christmas I bought my dad a 3 pack of Clint Eastwood movies.  We watched 2 this weekend already.  I just have to say, I forgot how good looking he was!  Man!  So, this is the conclusion I've come to.....

I need a man like Clint Eastwood.  Tall, good looking, good teeth (I mean considering it was like the 1800's), kind, friendly, intelligent, kills the bad, rewards the good.  He's a great shot with good reflexes.  He's got a deep voice and doesn't have to say much to get his point across.  He's in good shape, rugged, manly, outdoorsy, good with animals, works hard for the money.  His only downfall....all the cigars he smokes, which I can totally look past!

Clint Eastwood is the ultimate badass.  What's not to like?!

Home

I've been thinking a lot about what home is to me. Home isn't just Arroyo Grande. Home is my family in Santa Maria, the ranch in Paso, the townhouse in Salinas. Home is the village, downtown SLO, the Mesa. Home is the Central Coast.

As I ponder over my future and what I want for my life, I've had to consider the fact that I will most likely have to leave home to accomplish those goals. The University of Denver has a Media, Film and Journalism department. Those are 3 of my top interests, hobbies, and loves all rolled into one. I had no idea such a thing existed! The fact that it does has me so eager to learn more, eager to continue my education, see what it's all about, get a degree and do what I love.

There's a saying that goes "Great love and great achievements involve great risk." I would be leaving everything I know, everything that I am, and everyone I have. It would be the biggest risk I have ever taken. The idea alone terrifies me.

I would not get the focus on media and film if I went to Cal Poly. I have no interest in general journalism. I love the fact that my education would be more focused on digital media if I went to Denver. That's what I'm interested in. That's the direction I want to take.

Transferring is in my distant future and not something I need to decide tomorrow, but it is something I need to prepare and plan for. Whether or not it is Denver I choose, I will most likely be leaving my home. There are many positives that can come from such a change, but it doesn't soften the blow (so to speak).

But I know that no matter where I go or what I do, I can always come home. This will always be home.

Hello World.

In chosen words and short phrases, thoughts and ideas can come to life.  

And then there's video interpretation.  When the two combine, it develops into this real life visual.  

This is what I love about both:

I never paid much attention to this song or really even liked it very much.  Then I saw the video, and it brought on an entirely new meaning.  By the end, it effected me so much I had to write a blog about it!  

This is what I love about writing and video.  Those songs that bring you to tears.  The videos that make you cry.  Great work is when you make people you don't even know feel the emotions.

That's what inspires me.  That's what I want to do.

Patience.

"All the flowers of the tomorrows are in the seeds of today."

I'm a pretty patient person for the most part.  I get a little antsy while waiting in long lines, but who doesn't?    It's the bigger things that I have trouble being patient with, like life things.  I've finally decided to go back to school, but I don't want to wait until the end of January when the semester starts.  I want to go tomorrow.  It's in my head.  I'm pumped about it.  I'm happy with my decision.  I have a goal and am so excited to work towards something big, to be challenged.  Now, let's get this show on the road!

I find it insanely exciting that God already knows who I will marry.  He's out there waiting for me somewhere.  And I'm here, just waiting for him to become a part of my life.  That day needs to get here.  Not because I'm lonely, but because I'm so eager to meet him.  What will he look like?  What will be his career?  What does he do for fun?  Does he live in the area?  Have I already met him?  Have we crossed paths before?  What will his personality be like?  What kind of background does he come from?  I think it's so cool that we will be going along in our everyday lives, until that moment.  The moment where we're supposed to meet.  How can I not be fascinated and eager to find out who this man will be?

One day, I will own my own home.  I will have graduated, gotten married, maybe even have kids.  These are big things I want for my future, that I can't wait to have.  I dream about what life will be like, and find myself getting impatient waiting for them.  But for now, I am content with my life.  I'm happy in my own little world, doing my own little thing, learning all about who I am.  Sometimes, I need to be reminded that today and tomorrow are the building blocks towards my future.  Even though it may seem they are getting me nowhere, in the bigger picture they're leading me to the life I dream about.

Feeling Good.

Today has been a good day.

I'm home alone this week and just that feeling of independence has me feeling good in general.  I've been enjoying waking up alone, turning on the heater, taking a nice warm shower, eating breakfast without any distractions, and getting ready with no conversation or interruptions.  It's peaceful and liberating.  It's responsible and grown up.  It's my own routine.  It's me, myself, and my world.  All mine...if only for one more day.

Work has been busy, and for that I am thankful.  My days are going by faster, and I'm feeling productive.  I've taken over a new project, something I'm very excited to be doing.  But I am feeling a little discouraged because I am so eager to get caught up with it, I just haven't had the time.  I should have time tomorrow and Friday to get some of it done though, and it's not really a pressing issue.  I just like to be on top of things, and the person I'm taking it over from, has not been on top of it!

I went for a short run today with a friend.  We have never ran together before, but it was good.  I think we will keep up on it.  I needed to run today.  I needed that time to clear my head and be outdoors.  My brain was fried by the end of the day, and I really needed that release from the day.

Meeting with the girls every week has become something I really look forward to every week.  I feel so thankful and fortunate to call these ladies my friends.  I feel our friendships growing with every week we meet.  I haven't had good girlfriends in a very long time.  I learn from them.  I admire them.  They are strong.  They are beautiful.  They are amazing.  They are  a part of a change in my life.  They will see me grow and become closer to God.  What  a great experience to share with people I love!

I paid for my classes, my books, and my parking permit.  I am 3 steps closer to my goal.  I am officially in the process of finishing my GE, and it feels good.  That has been in the back of my mind for a long time now, and I'm so glad it's in motion.

Today, I feel content.  Today has been a good day.

Try, try again.

I signed up for a couple of classes at Hancock next semester.  This will be my 5th time going back to a JC, since I graduated in '02.  But it's the first time I'm going where I actually feel really good about my decision.  I have a plan.  I have a goal.  I have reason to want to be there.  Before, I never really did.

When I went to college right out of high school, I had no reason to go other than "that's what you're supposed to do after you graduate."  My heart wasn't in it.  I didn't try.  I didn't show up.  A couple classes I didn't even drop and took a failed grade.  I even tried going to Cuesta thinking that might light a fire under me.  It didn't.  The last time I went back was in 2007.  I took 4 classes and actually got straight A's.  The best grades I had since high school.  I was in a better frame of mind.  I still didn't know what I was going for, but I wanted to be there.

I love to learn, and lately I haven't been feeling challenged enough.  Getting a degree is something I really want for myself.  The older I've gotten, the more important to me it's becoming.  I have a focus now too, and that makes all the difference.

The other day at work I was given a new job to write emails back to the customer's who give us feedback.  My coworker chimed in to tell the guy who asked me to do the job "This is right down her alley.  I'll have you know, she's going back to school to be a writer!"

"A writer."  My goal.  It's all I've ever wanted to be.  It just took me awhile to figure out.  So it's back to school I go.  Only this time I couldn't be more excited to follow through and finish!

A True Gentleman.

This evening I attended a funeral service, and a very elderly man was sitting a couple rows ahead of me.  To his left a woman much more youthful was standing next to the wall.  He glanced over, stood up, and asked if she would like to have a seat.  The lady smiled and said thank you but declined the offer.  He nodded as if in appreciation to her acknowledgement that he was old and wouldn't have bean able to stand for that long.  He turned and sat back down in his seat.   

The scene just warmed my heart.  He was the cutest little old man, and the gesture made him even more adorable.  Not to say that chivalry is dead, but I don't often see such gestures amongst younger generations.  It's still very much present amongst the men in my parent's generation.  Maybe I'm just not around guys enough (or the ones I should be around) to notice such acts of kindness.  Maybe they happen all the time, and I just haven't been paying attention.  

Either way, there's nothing quite like the kind gestures of a true gentleman. 

Palm Reading.

Last night my friend and I drove down to Pismo Bowl.  On the way as we drove by the Palm Reader, I said "We should do that one day."  She had never done it before and was pretty excited to try it.  I had done it once a long time ago, but I don't really remember anything that was said.  So after bowling, we went and got our palms read.

Not that I believe any of it, but I have to say it is quite interesting how spot on she can be.  She was kinda wrong with one thing in particular she said about my friend and I, but after thinking about it she wasn't so far off after all.  I'm sure she sees a lot in just how you overall present yourself, how you lay your hand out, and how relaxed you are.  My friend and I had 2 totally different styles in our approaches and how are hands were out.  My friend was more straight forward, sitting up and straight palmed.  I was more relaxed, crossed legged, and my hand was more cupped, relaxed than straight.  I think just that said a lot about our personalities.

She didn't say if I was gonna live a long, healthy life.  That is something she said to my friend right away.  She said my friend was going to have one child, a little girl, but didn't mention whether or not I would have children.  Unfortunately, those were things I didn't think to ask until after we left!  She said people come to me for advice.  I always put other people before myself, and I am my last priority.  She said I have a lot of good karma coming my way, but I have to be a little more selfish before I will see it taking effect.  I have to say "enough is enough," because people will walk all over me.  I am too easy going in that way.  I like to have things my way.  I am a hard worker and very driven.  She said I will be successful.

In love, she said 3 and 1/2 years.  I don't know if it's that time that I will meet him, or I will be married.  She said he will be a coworker, or I will somehow meet him through work.  It will be hard to work together, because we will instantly be attracted toward one another.  She said it will start a working relationship, develop into a very good friendship, and eventually become something more.  I thought this was kinda funny, because I had been thinking about the ideal way for me to meet someone.  I'm not one to be set up.  I always find it awkward meeting someone through friends, because the friends always get involved.  I knew I wanted to be friends before anything else, because the whole dating thing I find completely uncomfortable and have been dreading it!  To be honest, I hope she's right about this, because it sounds so much better than the other options!

What she was wrong about was the past relationship.  She said she sees me rekindling it or something.  I said "God, I hope not."  She then asked how long ago it ended, so I told her "About a year and a half ago."  This part, honestly, kinda made me mad.  She said if I was completely over it I would have said "Oh it was a long time ago."  But since I answered so precisely, she said that I may not be completely over it.  I'm sure I gave her a look, because believe me, it's over.  She said that feelings may still be lingering, because I don't feel completely over the relationship yet.  And that I probably wont until someone else comes along.  And that, I do agree with.  As much as I am done with him, I don't feel like all ties are cut off yet.  But I don't think that I can cut those strings until I start seeing someone else.  It's like that relationship is hanging on by a thread, because I haven't found someone else to distract me from it.  But what am I supposed to do?  No one else has come along!  That whole thing is kinda frustrating!

We were able to ask a few questions.  I asked if she sees me finishing school, and she said yes.  (Thank God someone sees that happening in my future)!  She said I will be very successful in my career, and she sees a lot of travel.  I asked if she sees me being successful in my future in the area or if I will be moving out of it.  Before I tell you what she said, let me just say moving has been in the back of my mind for awhile.  I'm not sure I want to go to Cal Poly after Hancock or where.  I really have no idea where else I would go.  My entire family lives in the area.  I think it would be so hard for me to leave.  On the other hand, I feel like it would be good for me to get away.  It's an experience I've always felt I've missed out on.  Anyway, she said that she doesn't see me always living in the area.  She said it will be a decision between me and my soul mate on where we will live.  Interesting...

Whether it's true or not, it was fun to go!  I think we'll even go again next year or something just to see how our readings change.  She sat down with us each for maybe 10 minutes and gave a pretty detailed reading.  I think it was worth the 10 bucks.  If not for the reading, for the time it killed, the conversation we had afterward, and the imaginative ideas and creativity it's sparked in our minds.

Slanted.

I've always loved to write. I recently decided to go back to Hancock next semester and finish my GE. If all goes well, I'm thinking about transferring to Cal Poly (maybe somewhere else) to go for a BA in Journalism. For years I've constantly debated about what I want to be "when I grow up." I've taken so many classes on a variety of subjects hoping something would spark interest. Nothing did, but I always, always, come back to writing. It's the one thing I absolutely love to do.

Writing is fantastic. I can go on and on about how much I love it, but if you're a blogger you obviously share the same passion in one form or another. With my newly settled decision to return to school, I've been thinking about the type of writing I'd like to do. Do I want to be a reporter? A novelist? A columnist? Journalist? Songwriter? The opportunities are in abundance. I want to narrow down my options, so I can focus on a specific goal. But since I'm still awhile away from focusing on my degree, I can at least weed out the ones I know for sure.

A reporter. I know I do not want to be a reporter. (And why is basically my whole reason for this post)! The story is always slanted. Both sides of the story are rarely told. If it was an opinionated story that is one thing, but a reporter reports facts from all sides. Too often in today's media one side is favored, and this annoys the crap out of me. It's a misrepresentation. It's untrustworthy. As a journalist, it is your job to interpret the truth to the people who have a right to know. Of course this job would be difficult, because you can only write it the way you interpret it. It's not unusual for the writer's opinion to overshadow the hard evidence. Still, a good reporter can and should always be unfavorable.

Greed.

At times we've all suffered from the terrible feeling of greed. I, more often than I would like to admit, feel greedy. "Sadly, greed is a downward spiral that leads to envy. Envy leads to debt. All lead to discontent." I often justify my "need" for something. I work hard. I deserve it! I had a freakin' tumor at 17. It was a huge setback. In turn, I deserve this! I'm a better person than she is. I deserve it more!

When I got my first credit card, I became in debt quickly. I was depressed. I bought things hoping they would make me feel better. In a short time, I was happy to get something I wanted. Those brief moments of happiness brought me satisfaction, that I wasn't receiving elsewhere in life. Over a period of time, it was a different story. I become more depressed over the bill that came every month, about the big payment I had to make. The little happiness of impulse purchases, became one huge burden. In the big picture, the things I bought didn't make me happy, the debt didn't make me happy. My hope of buying things to make me feel better totally backfired, and I paid for it. Literally.

"When we purchase more than we can afford, we are discontent with what God has given. We no longer trust that God knows best and that He will supply our needs."

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I've never been one to rush things. "It will happen when it's meant to happen," is what I say. But the feeling of greed overcomes me, and I want things to happen now. It's human nature, but it really frustrates me. It makes me angry with myself for losing sight of what is important. That whatever I'm wanting is not yet in my plan. If it's not yet in my plan, then there are obviously more important things in my plan now, that need to be focused on. It's so easy to lose focus.

Of course, it is at this very moment when I have a heavy heart, that it's easier to remember to be content, to remember that my time will also come. That God has a great plan set out for my life, and things will come to me when He feels I am ready. It's not so easy to be content with what I have, when surrounded by those who have what I don't. "It" can be such a wide range of things to. It's not always necessarily of a materialistic value. It can physical, emotional, spiritual, professional, etc.

Jealousy and greed go hand in hand. Whether greed leads to envy, or envy leads to greed, either way it's a bad mix of emotions. How do you suppress the emotions and feel content with what you have?

Fashion Smashion.

I have no fashion sense.  Okay, maybe just a little one, because my clothes aren't totally hideous and mismatched.  I like to shop, but I don't like spending my money.  I like to buy new clothes, but I'm really picky about prices.  I like to shop at Forever 21, Modcloth.com, Old Navy, Marshall's, and really just wherever else I happen to find something I like.  I used to love Urban Outfitters.  Then I just got tired of spending a lot of money on poor quality clothing.

I don't really have a style.  I will buy anything that I think I may wear one day, or might go with something, or I just think is cute and want it hanging in my closet to never wear.  I am always looking at other girls thinking "Man, she has such cute style and taste.  Even on her bad days, she looks adorable.  I'm totally jealous."

Erin's little Fall Fashion Week got me thinking.  This could be a good little challenge.  I'm currently in that "I hate everything I have in my closet.  Even though I just went shopping and got a few new things, it isn't enough."  Plus the changing of the weather just has me so indecisive of what to wear in the mornings.  My office is upstairs and usually warm all day.  So even if it's cold outside, I know I'll be warm.  It makes choosing what to wear difficult.

I took a few pictures of my outfits over the course of the week (mostly when I remembered and had time before running out the door).  Here's what I came up with:

I think this was Tuesday's outfit.  I really wanted to wear a different sweater, but I didn't have one in the right color with the right fit that I wanted.  The top is really blousey, not something I would ever normally pick out.  I wanted something different so decided to give it a shot.

Sweater:  Collection's

Top:  Collection's

Jeans:  Old Navy

Shoes:  Nordstrom Rack

Necklace:  Not sure

This must have been Wednesday.  The weather was supposed to be warm, so I knew it was gonna be hot in the office all day.

Tank top:  Target (on sale for $2.50)!

Sweater:  Marshall's

Skirt:  Old Navy

Shoes:  Nordstrom Rack

Necklace:  Forever 21

Wednesday night my mom and I went to the outlets.  I got these new pair of jeans and couldn't wait to wear them.  Besides being really long, they fit perfectly and were super comfortable.  I kinda like them cuffed, so I'm not sure if I want them tailored or not.

Shirt:  I dunno. My mom got it.

Sweater:  Target

Jeans:  Levi Outlet

Shoes:  Nordstrom Rack (again, I live in these shoes)

Necklace:  Not sure

Hat:  Pac Sun

I wasn't too excited with Friday's outfit.  The burgundy sweater was kinda dressier, and I wanted to tone it down.  I'm not crazy about it over the shirt, but whatever.  It was the end of the week, and I really just wanted to throw on a sweatshirt and be done with it.

Shirt:  No idea

Sweater:  Ann Taylor

Jeans:  Aeropostle

Shoes:  Nine West

Necklace:  Ann Taylor

This was actually kinda fun, because now looking back at my outfits, it's....I dunno.  Maybe I'll keep a "Clothing" file on my computer with pictures of outfits to go to, when I don't know what to wear.  Is that totally weird?  I did notice that I need another pair of black flats or at least more in general, because I wear those black ones far too much.  I wore a different white top most days this week.  Funny how that happened....and, I look really short in my pictures!

Timing is Everything.

I love how some things come into your life at the exact time you need to see them, hear them, read them, or live them.

After my post the other day about my discouragement of my diet and exercise routine, I read something that I really need to retain.  I'm currently reading this book called "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillows.  These are a couple excerpts of what I needed to learn:

"Isn't it comforting to know that God knew each of us before He created us?  He planned what each of us would look like, who are parents would be, if and who we would marry, and how many children we would have."

"Perhaps you think other female tapestry is beautiful, but not yours.  'I don't like my nose, my hips, my breasts.  In fact I really don't like much about me.'  All of us could list things we'd like changed about ourselves.  But if we are displeased with our physical form, we're really arguing with God.  He is responsible for the color of our hair and the size of our nose and whether we have cellulite.
  I'm not surprised that so many women struggle over their personal appearance.  The values of our American culture are warped.  We're constantly bombarded with pressure created by the media to have a "prefect" body.  This emphasis is wrong and unbiblical.  As Christian women, we know this perspective is twisted, yet how easy it is to get caught up in the deadly disease of comparison."

I do find it comforting to know God has it all planned out.  He knows best for me.  I know that, but why is it so hard to not question His plan?  There is so much I am thankful for, and perhaps I don't give thanks enough.  It is easier to dwell on the have nots than to dwell on the positives.  I assume that is just human nature.

The phrase "But if we are displeased with our physical form, we're really arguing with God" really struck out to me.  I am arguing with God on so many different levels!  Not only with my physical form, but my emotional state.  I am lonely, confused.  I feel misguided and lost.  I'm unsure of my purpose and plan.  Where is my faith in His plan and His guidance?

I couldn't help but be a little disappointed in myself after realizing my fault.  Who am I to question God? It seems like such a foolish question.  I am no one to question God.  He is God after all!  Yet that doesn't stop me from doing it, often, frequently, daily!

I am built the way God created me.  I am not handicapped in any way.  I am healthy and strong.  I am capable of anything I set my mind to.  I have no setbacks.  I need to stop being so discouraged of everything I am not, because I am so much of everything else!  My body may not be exactly the way that I hoped, but there will always be things I don't like about it.  It's pretty good the way it is.  Be thankful!  My life may not be where I thought I would be at this point of my life, but it's all a part of His plan.  Have more faith!  I may not be sure of where my future is going, but He does.  Instill more trust in Him!



**Thanks Erin for your kind comment.  I <3 you!  By the way, I think you would really like this book!

Plateau.

I've reached a plateau in my diet and exercise routine, and I could not be more frustrated!  I've been health conscious and exercising regularly for a year now.  I lost 10 pounds post break up, all of which I've gained back.  Good news is, I believe it's been gained back in muscle because my jeans still fit.  So, I guess my hard working is paying off...some.

Eating more healthy and exercising regularly has become a huge part of my life.  To not see results makes it so hard to continue.  I started being more conscious as a life change, not a lose weight/keep it off kind of thing.  I've always been very self conscious.  I want to feel healthy, fit, and comfortable in a bathing suit.  That is my goal.  I know I'm not fat.  I don't need to lose weight.  I know there will always be things I don't like about my body.  However, I'm working hard to hopefully become more acceptive of those things.

I'm always catching up on health and fitness news and articles.  I get a lot of tips from the lady at work who's son is a nutrition major.  There are so many rules and restrictions and guidelines to follow when figuring out the diet and exercise plan that works for you.  I'm fed up with it all!  Seriously.  I'm freaking 26 years old, I shouldn't be so overly frustrated with this, but I am.  I have a smoothie and toast usually every morning, a salad for lunch usually every day, and dinner - well, that just depends what I have time for.  I very rarely eat fast food.  If I do it's like In & Out, which I don't think is half as bad as Jack in the Box or something.  I have a very bad sweet tooth, so I do indulge but not overboard.  I work out and eat right, so I don't have to deprive myself of the things I like.

Yesterday I got the response, "Well maybe you're not eating enough calories."  First of all, I'm not a calorie counter.  I have no need to be.  I eat pretty well.  I eat when I'm hungry and eat till I'm full.  I'm not going to watch, measure, and keep track of every little thing I eat either.  I don't have the patience for it, especially since I'm not trying to lose weight.

Where is the happy medium?  Eat right and exercise, simply put, is what you're supposed to do.  But then you do it, and it gets more detailed.  There's so much more to it.  It's eating right within the recommended calorie intake.  It's mixing up your exercise routine with the right amount of toning and cardio.  But you should only do it every other day, or it's better to work out in the morning, or you should eat a handful of grapes before you exercise to boost your metabolism.  Are you freaking kidding me?

I'm losing my patience.  I don't know what to do anymore.  My life shouldn't evolve around diet and exercise.    But it's starting to, because it feels like none of it is working.  I'm becoming overly concerned with it.  My mom said "Well, maybe your just at where your supposed to be."  Easy for her to say.  She can do the 30 day shred 3 days a week for a month and already see her body changing.  I can do it 3 days a week for 3 months and not notice a slight difference.  My biggest frustration is not just not seeing results.  It's having a goal (that isn't even unattainable) and not reaching it, not even noticing any changes to lead me to think I'm well on my way to reaching it.

Thankful.

Lately, I've been in such a piss poor mood.  (I'm not even gonna try and sugar coat it).  I don't know what it is.  I have nothing in particular to be down about.  It just seems like everything is pulling me in that direction.  Even the things that usually bring me joy, lately haven't so much.

We have a vendor that comes to our office every Thursday to pick up his check.  If he's not going to be there, he calls.  This morning the ladies in the office and I were talking about how he didn't come in Thursday or Friday and hadn't called either.  We thought it was really out of his character.  He usually always calls.  We were all just really hoping everything was ok.  He and his brother are some of the nicest people we work with.   We were thinking about calling him later in the day to make sure everything was alright.

About an hour later, he walked into our office.  We kinda teased him "Oh, hey!  Where have you been?  We've been getting worried.  We were about to call to make sure everything's alright."  He got very serious and said "No, not everything is alright.  I had to go to a funeral last week."  We said our apologies.  He continued, "I won't be here this Thursday either.  I have another funeral to go to."  We all looked at each other and sadness overcame us all.  The poor man was trying to hold it together. "Yeah, this one is a sad one.  She was just 20 years old and took her own life.......then about an hour ago, I got a call from my brother.  Our uncle passed away.  He had cancer.  We knew it was coming, but...it's still just so sad."

None of us knew what to say.  He is such a kind man and to see the sadness in his eyes, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.  He was hurting, and it showed.  Three funerals in two weeks for family members.  I couldn't imagine.  We usually have to tease him him to get him to talk a lot.  We joke with him and make him laugh.  Today, he needed to talk.  He needed to get the hurt off his chest.  He volunteered the information as if saying out loud would make it easier to accept.

Sometimes it takes someone else to remind you of how good you actually have it.  I needed that reminder.  My family and I are healthy.  If you don't have your health, what do you have?  Really, we have it all, and that in itself should make me happy.  Tomorrow is a new day, and that I am thankful for.

You're Gonna Miss This.

So often I find myself waiting in anticipation for what the future will bring.  I have no doubts it gets better, as it's already gotten better from the past.  I'm so eager to find out what the next, new stage of my life has in store for me.  I dream about the future so frequently that it brings me down.  Down, because I don't yet have those things.  Of course I only dream about the good things, and forget to realize that along with the good comes the bad.  But in my anticipation for whatever life is going to bring, maybe I don't appreciate enough where I currently am.

As much as I miss parts of the past and dream about the future, now is really all I have.  These are good times in my life.  Now.  Living at home with my parents, getting to know them as the people they are not just mom and dad, buying my first truck, contemplating going back to school, making new friends, trying new things, volunteering my time.   All good things.  I guess it is human nature to want more, what you don't have.

I heard this song the other day.  It couldn't be more fitting for the way I've been feeling lately.  As hard, as lonely, as busy or as boring as these days may seem to me, I know eventually I will miss them.

Runner.

I've always thought there was something special about runners.  I don't know what it is.  I used to envy long distance track runners.  They must have so much discipline to be dedicated to do something that seemed so tiring and boring.  I used to think it would be so cool to say, "I can run 5 miles or 10 miles.  I can run from Arroyo Grande to Santa Maria if I wanted to!"  Or as in the case of Sunday, from San Luis to Shell Beach.

After I started running with Running Grrrl, it never really dawned on me that I was a runner.  I'd go out nearly every day after work, meet up with my club every Saturday, and run up to 6 miles a day.  Still, I never thought to call myself a runner.  It wasn't until I got this injury that it really phased me.  I have a running related injury, common among runners.  At first I was thinking "Awesome!  I really am a runner!  I feel it's official now!"

My near 6 week running hiatus has been a lot harder than I thought it would.  At first I thought it was going to be a nice little break.  That idea lasted about 2 weeks.  I really, really began to miss it.  I missed being outside in the fresh air, meeting with the girls, and just the entire way running makes me feel.  I'd see runners on the road and hate them just a little bit!

Today, I ran my first post injury release run.  It was only a mile, because I have to take it easy.  But it felt sooo great.  I ran hard.  I ran fast.  I was so out of breath!  I loved being back out there!  Running is such a unique sport.  I am amongst those people I envied.  Now, I proudly lift my chin up, with a big smile on my face and announce "I am a runner!"

Crushing?

I might have a little...dare I say, crush.  I don't even know his name.  But he's way cute.  Nice smile, straight teeth, dark hair, big truck, work boots, and tattoos.  Wow.  Um..speechless.  I've only seen him and handful of times, and I think about him more than I should.  I don't even know what to do, and I don't even want to admit I may be, okay, I am really interested.

I haven't felt this way in so long.  Being single sucks, and these days I feel like I'm the only one who is.  I'm okay not being in a relationship.  I've only been on my own for a year.  But I grew apart from the relationship that I was in so long ago, that it feels I've been on my own a lot longer.  There are a few friends in particular that I feel like I can't even tell I have a crush too.  They will want to know details.  They will school me on what should be my next move, or they will take it into their own hands and completely embarrass me.

I'm not the type of girl to go after a guy.  I'm not straight forward and aggressive, and I don't intend to be.  That's not who I am.  Today, we had our first conversation, and at least now he knows what I drive.  I guess, those are baby steps.  Although now, I'm kicking myself because I should have shown more eye contact, been a little flirtier, I dunno got his number.  Man, I do not know how this shit works!

Sex Appeal.

This whole thing is starting to actually really piss me off.  I don't watch a lot of TV.  I just don't have the time, which is probably for the best considering all the girls and their half naked bodies all over the freakin place.  Half naked in videos, on TV shows, and in commercials.  In addition to the weight loss commercials that pop up every 4 minutes.

I was watching COUNTRY music videos today, and I was getting all down on myself.  Sex appeal has even made itself prominent in country music videos.  Can you believe it?  One had a girl on a bra and panties rolling around on a bed with her big ol' boobs popping out.  Then a weight loss commercial came on that had an overweight girl, you know shrink down to a perfectly toned and tanned body within seconds.  Are you kidding me?

I'm not even over weight.  In fact, I'm pretty in shape (except for the fact that I feel gross, because I haven't ran in forever, and these shows and commercials are just making me feel more like crap for it).  I am by no means over weight, or out of shape.  I should have no reason to feel bad about my body.  Sure, I have a roll or two, my butt jiggles a little, my thighs could be toner.  Whatever.  It's normal.  I'm a freaking size 4.  I should love my body.  But I don't.

My boobs could be bigger.  My stomach could be flatter.  My butt could be harder.  My biceps could be more prominent.  Could, could, could, could.  It makes me so mad.  I don't want to feel this way.  When perfectly fit, tanned, and toned women are shown all over the place, and celebrities are criticized for looking like we do, how can we not help but feel inferior?  No wonder women are insecure about their bodies.

There's no mystery to being a woman anymore.  When they run around in skin tight mini skirts and little midriff, low cut tops, what's left to the imagination?  Very little.  It's gotten out of control.  I don't like seeing half naked women everywhere.  It's demoralizing.  It's shallow.  It's degrading.  Women are strong, mysterious, healthy, intelligent, controlled.  They are the backbone to nearly every family.  I'm tired of us being portrayed as sex objects rather than the honorable people we are.

We grow little humans inside of us.  We aren't all made to be models.  We are beautiful the way we are.  Every roll, every wrinkle, every stretch mark tells a story.  It's a body that's been lived in.  It's a strong, healthy, indulgent body.  It's a body we all need to be proud of, because it's ours.  It's taken us through a journey of life.  It's taken us through ups and downs, good times and bad, partying years and mothering years, adolescent years and mature years.  It's healthy and normal.  And a healthy body is a sexy body.

Playing Mom.

My mom left last week to go to Holland on business.  She won't be back until Saturday, so I've been playing mom.  I've been watering the plants, feeding the dogs, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, buying groceries, checking in with Nana, my sister and my dad.  All on top of working till 4 everyday, 2 nights of softball, 1 night of either softball or my women's group.  I've been freaking busy.

It's times like these that make me really appreciate my mom (and all moms) for what they do.  My sister and I are grown up and can take care of ourselves, and it's still a lot to do.  I couldn't imagine having to make breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for everyone, taking kids to school or sports, doctors appointments and play dates.  I guess when it's your life you don't know anything different, and you do what you have to do. But that's not my life, so I don't know!

It's weird cause it's not like I've never lived on my own.  I had a house to clean, a yard to keep up, bills to pay, meals to make.  It's just different when it's not yours and you have someone else depending on you.  My parents house it a lot bigger than my house was.  My dad's home on the weekends, so I have to make sure there's enough food in the house and make dinner when he's home.  Last night my dad did take me out to dinner.  Afterwards we went to the grocery store, where I had to buy (just to point out)!  I said "Dad, go pick out the cereal you want."  Just like a little kid, cause seriously that's what I feel like I'm taking care of sometimes.

I don't have a problem doing his laundry, making his meals.  He's done a lot more for me for a lot less.  It's just the point being, I am so not ready to be a mom!  I'm not ready for this to be my life.  I don't mind doing it for myself during the week, because I could have yogurt and berries for every meal and be completely satisfied.  Taking care of someone else and keeping up a home is a lot of work.

My hat goes off to the moms.  You are strong and amazing.

Criminally Freaked.

The other day,  (before I went to bed, no doubt) I brought up our local news website.  I was curious about an article that had been posted earlier in the day, so I thought I'd check up on it before I went to sleep.  The problem was that this time when I pulled it up, another story caught my eye.  The headline said something along the lines (and I am summing it up) "Man robbed by 3 masked men speaking spanish at gunpoint."  "Huh," I thought.  When I checked to see where this crime went down, I really disliked what I saw.  It's basically around the block from my house.  (Keep in mind I live in the country.  We don't really have "blocks" and what would be a block is actually kinda far away compared to city blocks).  But still.  Totally.  Freaking.  Awesome.  Did I mention I've been home alone the past few nights?  Great.

It seems to me our quiet little community is becoming less bothered by the amount of crime that's been happening recently.  Like this homicide, burned body thing that happened in Santa Margarita.  5 people were arrested, most of them from Nipomo.  A couple of the boys aren't even 21 years old.  Then a few months ago, a girl from the high school was attacked under the bridge by the hospital.  There's been reports of a suspicious van following kids walking to school.  A few years ago, people would be talking.  It'd be brought up in casual conversation or you'd overhear the concern while waiting in the coffee shop.  People used to fear for the direction of our community.  Whether a crime was a misdemeanor or felony, it didn't matter.  It was happening, here, in our neighborhoods.

It makes me wonder why.  Are we becoming immune to the crimes committed, big or small, because it's all over television?  Are we becoming immune because it's happening more and more?  Are we losing concern because we feel it's out of our control?  Is it the growth in our community that inevitably brings more crime?

This little robbed at gunpoint thing has me totally shaken up.  It definitely happened too close for comfort.  I've barely been able to sleep for 3 nights, because every little noise has woken me up and makes my heart pound.  I shouldn't have to fear for my safety, especially in my own home.  This sort of thing used to never happen around here.  I'm not used to it, and I don't want to get used to it.  Our community used to be a really safe place.  You could trust your neighbors.  You could leave your doors unlocked.  And you could let your kids walk to school.  I know things change, it's just disappointing that it's happening so rapidly.

Better than me.

Lately I've been finding myself so concerned with others.  What they have that I don't.  Where their lives are going opposed to my own.  What they do or say that supposedly makes them better than me.  What qualities make them more approachable.  I know these thoughts are no good, and they've just been bringing me down, way down.

I try to give myself a little prep talk, think it through, remind myself of how great I am, what a good person I am, the talents and values I have, etc.  This is only works so much, so often.  And I've had to reassure myself with these good thoughts more often than I'd like to admit.

But last night I was reading this book, and the author was telling a little story.  One phrase in particular really caught me eye.  "But I entrust my tree to its God.  He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me.  I laid no condition.  I fixed not ways or means.  'Lord, send what it needs,' I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost.  Thou has made it and Thou dost know.'"  (I believe this came from Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman).

This is exactly what I need to do, put more of my faith back in the Lord.  I have been given a path.  It has gotten me to where I am and will get me to where I'm supposed to go.  I need to focus less on what others have that I do not.  They were given a different path that leads them in a different direction.  I need to remember to be patient.  Question less and be thankful more.

Of all things, He is better than me.  He provides for me, cares for me, guides me and loves me unconditionally.  I shouldn't question the things He has put in my life.  There is a reason.  He created me.  He knows what's best for me, and He will lead me.

Tipping

I'm all for tipping in the service industry.  I used to work in the service industry.  You literally live off your tips, because your pay is crap.  You're treated like crap.  You have to put up crap.  It's an all around crappy job.

However it seems like everywhere you go now, you are expected to tip.  Like my hairstylist, whom I love. It's $35.00 for a trim or cut.  At her old salon it was only $27.00.  There I would just give her an even $30. I felt like $3.00 was a good tip.  I mean all she does is stand there for like 30 min (if that), chit chat, blow dry, and maybe curl.  All that for 27 bucks plus a $3.00 tip seemed pretty reasonable.

Now $35.00 is an odd amount.  It's not like $27, where I could just give her a 20 and a 10.  If I was going to continue giving her a $3.00 tip, that's a lot of different bills I'm using.  It would be a 20, a ten, a five, and 3 ones.  It's just so much easier to give her 2 twenties.  So not only is she making an extra $8.00 on the cut itself, but another $5.00 for a tip.  But to me, $5.00 is a big tip.  Especially when I feel like $35.00 is already a lot to be spending on a hair cut.

With this situation, I feel like I shouldn't even have to tip.  I feel like $35.00 is an expensive hair cut.  She's already making a lot of money off me, why should I have to tip on top of that?  With 2 hair cuts in one hour, she's making more in that short time than I make in practically an entire day.  And I don't get tipped to do my job.  I'm in the wrong business...

It's raining Marriages.

I feel like I'm going to sound totally bitter while you read this post, but I do not mean to come across that way at all!  I'm simply stating the facts (and maybe venting, a little).

Nearly everyone I know is getting married, if they aren't already.  If not getting married, they are engaged.  If not engaged, they are talking marriage.  If they're not yet talking marriage, they are at least in a relationship.  I only know like 3 other single people, and one of them is consistently dating.

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy for all of them.  It's just weird.  That's a place I thought I would be at by now, and I'm so far from it.  For awhile there, I liked being single.  But that's wearing off.  It's really lonely being, well....alone.  I don't have someone to talk to before I go to bed.  I don't have someone to text throughout the day.  I don't have someone to wrap my arms around and love.  It just seems those little things are so loudly void in my life, because everyone around me has them.

A few months ago my sister invited me to the Melodrama with a group of friends.  It ended up being my sister and her bf, my two cousins and their boyfriends, 2 friends and their boyfriends.  I finally just told my sister to give my ticket away.  This is the problem with being the only single one.  No matter what you do, with no matter the size of the group, you're almost always the odd man out.  It would have been fine, but it would have been weird.  Had I of gone, it just would have made me more sad and completely aware of the fact that I am alone.  It's like everything I'm missing would have been right in front of me, 5 fold.

If I'm hanging out with friends, and a single guy is there.  Everyone pretty much knows exactly what's going on, and that's awkward.  There's like pressure, and if you start talking, because you're the only 2 single people there and just happen to gravitate to each other, it's like everyone's watching, waiting, hoping.  And that's totally uncomfortable!  Even if there is no preconceived plan to set you up, it's still weird.

But my friends and family, bless their hearts.  I know they all want me to have what they have.  Many of them understand the loneliness of being single, when all your friends are in relationships.  I know it's not pity.  I know they just want for me, what I want for myself.  And I know my time will come.  I'm not worried about that.  It's just sometimes really hard to keep my chin up.

So for now, I will RSVP with one.  I will buy a cute new dress and some heels.  I will confidently show up solo, reminisce with old friends, and be genuinely happy for the couples in love.

THAT girl.

You know the one I'm talking about.  The one all the boys seem to drool over.  Yeah, she's kinda pretty, and she's pretty nice.  But you just don't get what the hype is all about.

She's blonde, of course.  Her hair is always perfectly styled and never out of place.  She's got big boobs and wears the low cut shirts to show 'em off.  She's tan with a decent body.  Her nails are always done, and she almost always wears heels.  She wears a lot of make up and dresses like she's ready for any occasion at any time.  She's confident and independent.   She's high maintenance, outgoing and flirty.

I am not this girl.  Obviously.  But you know, I really don't want to be.  We all have that girl we feel inferior to.  And even though she's a lot of things I'm not, I know I am a lot of things she's not.  Better things, at least in my opinion (and really that's all that counts)!

I may be shy, quiet, and unsociable at times.  I may prefer to wear flip flops and t-shirts.  I may not be flirty and outgoing, but I like who I am.  A lot.  It's taken me years to even feel comfortable saying that.  I've come a long way and learned a lot in the process.  I am strong, and I am beautiful - inside and out.

But sometimes I forget that about myself.  Sometimes it takes that girl to remind me of who I am and what I love about who I've become.

Tv Land.

A friend and I were at a restaurant the other day. While we were waiting for our food, I picked up one of the little trivia cards they had out on the table. I can't tell you what the question was, but it had to do with some old time Tv show. I quickly stated the answer (as to beat my friend's response), but she just stared at me blankly. She obviously had no idea. "Sweet, I'm already one up," I thought. So I grabbed another card. It was another old Tv show question. Again, I shouted out my answer with excitement. My friend just stared at me. She asked "How do you know all these answers?" I was like "Didn't you ever watch old Tv shows on Tv Land? Gilligan's Island? I Love Lucy?" She replied, "Not really." Are you freaking kidding me?!?!!

I used to love Tv Land. The best shows used to be played at night. For as far back as I can remember, when my sister and I would stay at my Nana's house, that was the channel of choice. We would stay up late with our bowls of ice cream, while my grandpa snored away in his chair. We would watch everything: Gilligan's Island, Green Acres, I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch, I Dream of Jeannie, Sanford and Son, Petticoat Junction, Bewitched, The Andy Griffith Show, The Beverly Hillbilly's, and our favorite The Golden Girls.

I don't think Tv Land even plays a lot of these shows anymore, which I find a little disappointing. I really miss these old shows! I hope it's not one of those things were I watch them after like 10 years, and think to myself "Omg, this is horrible. How did I ever like this? It's so stupid. Shit like that, does not actually happen. People are not that dumb. I shouldn't have watched this. I should have left it on a good note, thinking about how great it was, but no. I had to go ruin it be bringing back the good times, that have now become bad!"

I think I'm gonna take the chance anyway. You can buy a lot of the seasons off Amazon. I just hope they will be worth the $30 + shipping! Now, if I only I can choose which show to start with! I still watch Golden Girls all the time, because they're everywhere on Tv. Besides, I think I've seen every episode at least 5 times already. I'm thinking of starting off with Petticoat Junction or Green Acres. I remember liking those ones, but I never got to see a lot of the episodes.

I'm actually quite excited to buy these. I can't wait to tell my Nana after I have it. She will be so pumped! We might have to do a weekly movie night, bring back those memories. Nana would love that.

I can't be the only one who used to love all these shows. Have you ever heard of them? Did you watch them and love them? Which were your favorites? I'm really curious, because my friend was pretty much clueless to the fact that they actually excited, besides maybe I Love Lucy.

Distractions.

Over the past year, I've become involved with a lot of things.  Between work, softball, running, my women's group, now archery and golf, and just hanging out with friends, I have very little free time.  I get stir crazy with too much time on my hands, so keeping busy has been great.  At first I didn't think much about taking on so many things, it was more just so I would have things to do.  I was creating a life that was my own.  They are still fun.  I still like to do them.  But they're not just things to do anymore, they've become distractions from the things that bring me down.

I think too much when I have time on my hands.  I feel like now I'm keeping busy, so I don't get down about certain things in my life.  It's one thing to go about it and be clueless, but another to recognize it and be completely aware of the reasons why.  It's almost more depressing, but I'll keep doing what I'm doing.  I have my moments where I just need to break down, then I can pick myself up and move on stronger.

I may feel my life is full of distractions, but they are good distractions.  Right now, I need them.  They keep me going, and they make me happy.  That happiness leaves me with a positive attitude knowing, that this too shall pass.

PBR Fresno

March 18-20, 2010

**Side note - I know my Wednesdays are supposed to be like "flashbacks," but I haven't had the time to go back into old pictures, scan them in, and get a good story going. So I'm sticking with events that are fairly recent, but still in the past. It's kinda cheating, I know.

Annie the Dog.

Have you've heard about the man who lives in AG who lost his dog Annie when she ran away from him when she heard a gun shot?  Annie was picked up and taken to a shelter, where she was adopted out a few days later.  Now the new owners are refusing to give Annie back to her rightful owner.  The owner Chuck said he as no children and Annie is like his child.  He's completely devastated that the shelter adopted her out while he had been searching for her, and the new adoptive family won't give her back.

This is exactly why I love living in a small community, so many people have rallied in support of Chuck.

  

There's even have a Facebook page dedicated to getting Chuck and Annie reunited.   People have even donated money to the adoptive family, so that they can get a new dog and give Annie back.  It's such a serious issue that legal action is being considered.

The poor guy.  He must be absolutely overwhelmed with sadness and gratitude for the people who have shown him support, and who are helping him fight to get his dog back.  This picture breaks my heart.  To lose a pet is one thing, but to lose her and know she is alive, and that the new owners are just too greedy to give her back is so sad.

The family who adopted Annie is currently on vacation.  Which makes me ask, if they are on vacation who is taking care of Annie?  Hopefully when they come home they will see they are in the wrong.  

Sunshine Day.

I just want to point out that the weather turned really beautiful, and nice, and summery, and warm after I complained about it.  I am LOVING it.  I mean, it's about freakin time the gloom went away.  I love waking up to sunshine and warmth!

Except now, I'm really sad that it's so nice, and I'm stuck sitting at a desk all day instead of enjoying it.  Ugh.  Can't win them all, I guess.  Life's just so unfair sometimes!

Gloomy.

What happened to the sunshine?  Honestly, I'm so freakin' sick of this weather.  I'm one of those people, where the weather can really effect my mood.  In Winter, I start to get really down and almost depressed.  It's dark when I get up in the morning.  It's dark after I get home from work.  It's dark during the day.  It's cold.  It's rainy.  It's foggy.  It's downright crappy and a big pain in my ass!

In the mornings, there's fog.  In the evenings, there's fog.  The sun only shines when I'm at work, and I can't enjoy it.  But I can clearly see others enjoying it from the window in my office, it's totally unfair.  By the time I get off work, the wind has picked up.  The sun is shining, but it's cold.  It's windy.  It's not pleasant at all.

I just needed to get that out there.  I've been so edgy, because of this (and yes, other things also, but that's not the point).  Because when I said the weather effects my mood, I wasn't kidding.  Perhaps, you can tell?

Lee Brice.

Saturday, June 26 at the Ranch in San Miguel.  

A few days earlier a friend and I were talking about how Lee Brice was going to be performing locally.  I didn't really know any of his songs besides "Love Like Crazy" which plays on the radio at least 3 times a day, (and that's just while I'm at work).  She asked if I wanted to go, and I said sure, why not?  For like $10 more you could get a VIP ticket.  We had no idea what that entailed, you just had to be 21 to buy it.  VIP?  We're so there.

On Friday my friend went and bought his CD, because neither of us had it.  We had 24 hours to learn his songs.  We listened to it on repeat over, and over, and over, and over.  By Saturday night, I knew maybe 2 songs, including the one that's always on the radio.

The VIP seats were right next to the stage.  We had our own little table with our name reserved on it, and a waitress to take our orders. Right before the show Lee (like I know him) peaked out the curtains right behind us to check out the crowd.  We tried to get pictures then, but some crazy solo chick swooped in and tried to pick up on him. Watching that was actually more entertaining than if we had gotten a picture with him. 

 We hung around at the end of the show, because we were waiting for our ride.  It really worked in our favor, because he came out to take pictures and sign autographs.

He put on a really good show.  Considering he only has 1 cd out, he played a long set.  He did a few covers of songs he wrote for other people.  I was surprised to find out he wrote "Still" for Tim McGraw and "More Than A Memory" for Garth Brooks.  I handed him my concert ticket for him to sign, and he said "What's your name?"  I told him, and he said "L. A. C. Y?"  He didn't add an E to my name.  It scored him a few extra points, I'm not gonna lie!

Going Back.

Now that I've started blogging, I keep thinking about all these things that I've done that I'd like to share.  Some happened a few months ago, some happened a few years ago.  Whatever.  I thought about doing like a "Flashback" post weekly on a certain day.  Problem is, I can't guarantee I'm gonna have time to post on that given day every week.  I'm gonna try though.

Wednesdays will be the day.  Check for it tomorrow.

Avila Lighthouse.

A few weeks ago I went on the Avila Lighthouse tour with my parents and my sister.  My sister had been before, and my dad really wanted to go.  I didn't really care one way or another.  I had always kind of been curious about the lighthouse but never enough to plan on going out myself.

You start out near Fat Cat's and are guided through Diablo land by a docent.  Honestly, the hike would have been much better without being guided, (but it has to be because of the Diablo land).  If you follow the trail, you can't really get lost.  It took us nearly 2 hours to hike in, because we had to stop and learn about every, single, little, plant.  And we didn't have just one docent, we had three...and another one in training.  I could care less what the names of plants are, and I know what a tick looks like.

It was pretty cool being on the other side of what I see everyday.  I never realized what a big cove we are in.

I love old houses, and instantly fell for this one.  I didn't take any pictures of the inside, but a house is a house.  You can pretty much guess what it looks like.   This house is now a museum, restored back to what it was like when the light keeper and his family actually lived there.  Now, there's another house not far away that they live in.  It's definitely not as cool as this one!

These are the steps you have to walk up to to get to the light tower.  It's obviously no longer in use . You should have seen the bulbs that it took to put out the light that they used a long time ago.  I should have taken a picture of it.  There's like a 127 pieces of glass that reflects this flame burning from a gigantic wick.  The whole thing was I'd say at least 3 feet tall and a foot and half in diameter.

Today, the light is a little more modern.  It's that little box just to the right of the antenna and right above the post.  

I don't know if you've ever noticed the ray of light it puts out, but one streak is brighter than the other.   I actually asked why, because it's something I've always wondered about.  Each port has it's own signal, and the two different brightnesses of the light is the signal for Port San Luis.  If that even makes sense.  I don't know the correct lighthouse terms!

After a nearly 2 hour hike in, a little over an hour at the lighthouse museum, we charged it back out in 45 minutes.  It was a pretty cool little tour, it just took up all of our Saturday morning and went into our afternoon.  Still, I'm glad I did it.  For living here my entire life, I guess you can never learn enough history about the area.