In someone else's words.

There is so much I can say about my love for writing.  There are many, many quotes that can easily translate my feelings about it.  Here are a few of my favorites and why I like them.  

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.  

~Anaïs Nin

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.  

~William Wordsworth

These quotes are similar to the one on my banner.  I stumble over words when I speak.  When I write, my thoughts flow.  I can't get them down as fast as they come.  I communicate my thoughts better in writing.  When I'm angry or sad, writing eases my emotion and calms me down.  Writing lets me express the words that are difficult for me to say. 

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.  

~E.L. Doctorow

If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad. 

~Lord Byron

These quotes makes me laugh.  When I write, my thoughts can go a million miles a minute.  I can go from one subject to another before I even finish my thought on the first!  I start to fill overwhelmed, stressed, when I don't write things down and get them off my chest.  Writing is my therapy.  I can literally go crazy filled up with emotion if I don't get it out!

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise.  The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.  

~Sylvia Plath

I've always been a writer.  Writing was my favorite thing to do in school, whether it was a creative writing assignment or an essay in history.  Then I'd go home and write more in my journal.  But it wasn't until recently that I actually admitted to myself I wanted to be a writer.  "The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."  My self doubt was questioning my ability to make a career out of my love of writing.  

Write down the thoughts of the moment.  Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable.  

~Francis Bacon

Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning:  I wanted to know what I was going to say.  

~Sharon O'Brien

The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes.  

~Agatha Christie

So true!  I can have nothing on my mind, but once I put my pen to paper and let my thoughts flow, I never know where I will end up!  I have little notes in all of my purses, scattered in and on my desk.  I have a list in my phone.  You never know when those ideas or phrases will come to you!

Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.  

~Nathaniel Hawthorne

To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music the words make.  

~Truman Capote

I love these quotes!  Taylor Swift said something similar about when she discovered poetry.  She said she realized you could make words bounce of the page.  Good writing is live writing.  You can see it when you read it.

Negative Impact

I am really, really, really frustrated and need to get a few things off my chest.

Life is stressing me out.  The things that are beyond my control, and in my future.  Things I can do absolutely nothing about at the moment, I am freaking out over.  And actually the things I can do something about, I've already done something about, but it's not coming around fast enough!

All I've been hearing about in the office the past few months is Health Care.  What kind of impact it is going to have on the company, the employees, their families, and our country.  I'm not offered insurance through my job.  They keep me at 35 hours, (so they don't have to pay for it).  I'm on my own.  It's unbelievable the amount of money that will be coming out of their paychecks to have health insurance for their families.  We got bombarded with phone calls today by employees who are freaking out.  They can't afford the outrageous cost every week.  It's truly sad.

I am hurting for the employees who live on a tight budget as it is.  The ones who won't be able to afford health care for their wives and children.  I am sad for our country.  I'm seeing the hard working class people suffering the most in these economic times.  They've lost jobs, homes, savings, retirement.  And now many of them will have lost their insurance also.

This frightens me for my future.  How will I do it?  I'm just starting out.  People over twice my age are coming out of retirement, because they can't afford to be retired anymore.  I've decided to go back to school, but I still have a few years before I earn a degree.  How will I pay for insurance and living expenses while I go to school full time?  On top of that I will have a huge burden of debt from financial aid.  How will I pay off my debt and still save money to one day own a home?  How will I afford to have children and save for their futures?

I don't know how people do it.  I've asked my mom, and she doesn't know.  I've asked my grandma, and she doesn't know.  I'm not even guaranteed a well paying career when I get a degree.  I am young, but I'm not that young.  I feel like I need to start securing for my future now, because I don't want to be that 69 year old coming out of retirement, because I can't afford my mortgage.

Times are tough, and it's really scary.

Clint Eastwood.

I've been watching old Western movies ever since I can remember.  I used to like them, but as high school came around I thought they were lame.  Of course.  Typical teenager.  Country Western is in my blood whether I want to admit it or not.  Country is who I am.  I grew up watching westerns, shooting guns, working on the property and at the ranch.  My mom's family are cowboys and farmers.  My dad's family are cowboys and farmers.  My future is inevitable!

I've seen Lonesome Dove, I can't tell you how many times.  It's seriously ridiculous.  For Christmas I bought my dad a 3 pack of Clint Eastwood movies.  We watched 2 this weekend already.  I just have to say, I forgot how good looking he was!  Man!  So, this is the conclusion I've come to.....

I need a man like Clint Eastwood.  Tall, good looking, good teeth (I mean considering it was like the 1800's), kind, friendly, intelligent, kills the bad, rewards the good.  He's a great shot with good reflexes.  He's got a deep voice and doesn't have to say much to get his point across.  He's in good shape, rugged, manly, outdoorsy, good with animals, works hard for the money.  His only downfall....all the cigars he smokes, which I can totally look past!

Clint Eastwood is the ultimate badass.  What's not to like?!

Home

I've been thinking a lot about what home is to me. Home isn't just Arroyo Grande. Home is my family in Santa Maria, the ranch in Paso, the townhouse in Salinas. Home is the village, downtown SLO, the Mesa. Home is the Central Coast.

As I ponder over my future and what I want for my life, I've had to consider the fact that I will most likely have to leave home to accomplish those goals. The University of Denver has a Media, Film and Journalism department. Those are 3 of my top interests, hobbies, and loves all rolled into one. I had no idea such a thing existed! The fact that it does has me so eager to learn more, eager to continue my education, see what it's all about, get a degree and do what I love.

There's a saying that goes "Great love and great achievements involve great risk." I would be leaving everything I know, everything that I am, and everyone I have. It would be the biggest risk I have ever taken. The idea alone terrifies me.

I would not get the focus on media and film if I went to Cal Poly. I have no interest in general journalism. I love the fact that my education would be more focused on digital media if I went to Denver. That's what I'm interested in. That's the direction I want to take.

Transferring is in my distant future and not something I need to decide tomorrow, but it is something I need to prepare and plan for. Whether or not it is Denver I choose, I will most likely be leaving my home. There are many positives that can come from such a change, but it doesn't soften the blow (so to speak).

But I know that no matter where I go or what I do, I can always come home. This will always be home.

Hello World.

In chosen words and short phrases, thoughts and ideas can come to life.  

And then there's video interpretation.  When the two combine, it develops into this real life visual.  

This is what I love about both:

I never paid much attention to this song or really even liked it very much.  Then I saw the video, and it brought on an entirely new meaning.  By the end, it effected me so much I had to write a blog about it!  

This is what I love about writing and video.  Those songs that bring you to tears.  The videos that make you cry.  Great work is when you make people you don't even know feel the emotions.

That's what inspires me.  That's what I want to do.

Patience.

"All the flowers of the tomorrows are in the seeds of today."

I'm a pretty patient person for the most part.  I get a little antsy while waiting in long lines, but who doesn't?    It's the bigger things that I have trouble being patient with, like life things.  I've finally decided to go back to school, but I don't want to wait until the end of January when the semester starts.  I want to go tomorrow.  It's in my head.  I'm pumped about it.  I'm happy with my decision.  I have a goal and am so excited to work towards something big, to be challenged.  Now, let's get this show on the road!

I find it insanely exciting that God already knows who I will marry.  He's out there waiting for me somewhere.  And I'm here, just waiting for him to become a part of my life.  That day needs to get here.  Not because I'm lonely, but because I'm so eager to meet him.  What will he look like?  What will be his career?  What does he do for fun?  Does he live in the area?  Have I already met him?  Have we crossed paths before?  What will his personality be like?  What kind of background does he come from?  I think it's so cool that we will be going along in our everyday lives, until that moment.  The moment where we're supposed to meet.  How can I not be fascinated and eager to find out who this man will be?

One day, I will own my own home.  I will have graduated, gotten married, maybe even have kids.  These are big things I want for my future, that I can't wait to have.  I dream about what life will be like, and find myself getting impatient waiting for them.  But for now, I am content with my life.  I'm happy in my own little world, doing my own little thing, learning all about who I am.  Sometimes, I need to be reminded that today and tomorrow are the building blocks towards my future.  Even though it may seem they are getting me nowhere, in the bigger picture they're leading me to the life I dream about.

Feeling Good.

Today has been a good day.

I'm home alone this week and just that feeling of independence has me feeling good in general.  I've been enjoying waking up alone, turning on the heater, taking a nice warm shower, eating breakfast without any distractions, and getting ready with no conversation or interruptions.  It's peaceful and liberating.  It's responsible and grown up.  It's my own routine.  It's me, myself, and my world.  All mine...if only for one more day.

Work has been busy, and for that I am thankful.  My days are going by faster, and I'm feeling productive.  I've taken over a new project, something I'm very excited to be doing.  But I am feeling a little discouraged because I am so eager to get caught up with it, I just haven't had the time.  I should have time tomorrow and Friday to get some of it done though, and it's not really a pressing issue.  I just like to be on top of things, and the person I'm taking it over from, has not been on top of it!

I went for a short run today with a friend.  We have never ran together before, but it was good.  I think we will keep up on it.  I needed to run today.  I needed that time to clear my head and be outdoors.  My brain was fried by the end of the day, and I really needed that release from the day.

Meeting with the girls every week has become something I really look forward to every week.  I feel so thankful and fortunate to call these ladies my friends.  I feel our friendships growing with every week we meet.  I haven't had good girlfriends in a very long time.  I learn from them.  I admire them.  They are strong.  They are beautiful.  They are amazing.  They are  a part of a change in my life.  They will see me grow and become closer to God.  What  a great experience to share with people I love!

I paid for my classes, my books, and my parking permit.  I am 3 steps closer to my goal.  I am officially in the process of finishing my GE, and it feels good.  That has been in the back of my mind for a long time now, and I'm so glad it's in motion.

Today, I feel content.  Today has been a good day.

Try, try again.

I signed up for a couple of classes at Hancock next semester.  This will be my 5th time going back to a JC, since I graduated in '02.  But it's the first time I'm going where I actually feel really good about my decision.  I have a plan.  I have a goal.  I have reason to want to be there.  Before, I never really did.

When I went to college right out of high school, I had no reason to go other than "that's what you're supposed to do after you graduate."  My heart wasn't in it.  I didn't try.  I didn't show up.  A couple classes I didn't even drop and took a failed grade.  I even tried going to Cuesta thinking that might light a fire under me.  It didn't.  The last time I went back was in 2007.  I took 4 classes and actually got straight A's.  The best grades I had since high school.  I was in a better frame of mind.  I still didn't know what I was going for, but I wanted to be there.

I love to learn, and lately I haven't been feeling challenged enough.  Getting a degree is something I really want for myself.  The older I've gotten, the more important to me it's becoming.  I have a focus now too, and that makes all the difference.

The other day at work I was given a new job to write emails back to the customer's who give us feedback.  My coworker chimed in to tell the guy who asked me to do the job "This is right down her alley.  I'll have you know, she's going back to school to be a writer!"

"A writer."  My goal.  It's all I've ever wanted to be.  It just took me awhile to figure out.  So it's back to school I go.  Only this time I couldn't be more excited to follow through and finish!