Dementia.

Dementia is a horrible, horrible, horrible thing.

Today as I was driving home, I saw a man and an old lady out by the street.  The man was was probably in his 30s and the old lady had to have been in her 70s.  She was skinny.  She was frail.  Her hair was a mess.  Her clothes were disheveled.  You could just tell she was skin and bones.  She kind of had her arm out with her hand relaxed and just hanging down, as if she was trying to point but didn't have the strength.  But it was the look on her face that brought me to tears.

My grandmother had a series of small strokes over a period of time.  This caused her dementia.  The look on the face of this old lady, vividly brought back memories of my grandma.  It's a mix of being absolutely clueless, lost, curious.  It brought back the sadness of seeing someone literally lose their mind.  It's like they revert back to a child.  My grandma used to stick her tongue out at people when they said something she didn't like.  She'd make faces.  She would wander.

I have to say it was a blessing she passed before she forgot who we were.  I don't know if I could handle someone I love so dearly having no clue who I am.  It's not like the memories you have with them are lost, it's just so clear you will have no memories like those again.

So today, I am remembering you Gramma.  I am remembering the memories, the laughs, the talks, the time you tried to ride a bike and fell off.  I am remembering delicious salads with green bell peppers.  I am remembering your dirty jokes and Portuguese comments.  Your homemade beans and lemon meringue pie.  The way you used to "cheat" at cards.  The way you used to play catch and baseball with us in the back yard.

It will be 3 years February 19.  You are loved and missed.