There was a good period where I liked being independent. I liked the time to get to know my parents again. I liked living at home and saving money. I liked doing what I want, when I want. I liked not having to care about someone else's feelings. I liked having very little responsibility. I don't have to worry about getting nervous, going on dates, the "Is he going to kiss me or not?" moments. I don't have to worry about getting dropped off at home with barking dogs, if my parents are up wondering when I'm going to get home, where we would go to be alone and hang out. There is so much about dating, that I'm glad I'm not.
But there are little things that really make me wonder. One, is the fact that the ex is still dating the girl he left me for. How is this possible? He is NOT a good catch. I don't even know what I was thinking when I dated him. How does he have someone and I do not? I am an AMAZING catch. Seriously. People are lucky to know me! Two, how do high maintenance, ugly, mean, bitchy girls go on dates and get in relationships? I can't even find one decent guy to look at me longer than 2 seconds. Three, where do you even meet people? I joined like 5 different softball teams. I have an amazing group of friends, who are all married, and only know people who are married and relationships. (It seems like anyway). I go to the bars. (Even though they are not my favorite places to. Some free drinks are better than nothing, even if the guy is buying them for the friend that I'm with).
Still, I think there just comes a point, where you begin to think "It must be me." But I know it's not. I know who I am, and what I have to offer. I know that any guy would be lucky to have me. I know the value of what I am worth. I don't come cheap. I know that. It's just going to take the right guy. I know that. I can't sit around hoping he will come and find me. I know that. I've been doing all I can to keep busy, have fun, worry about myself, and just keep my mind off of being lonely. I know the he will come into my life when the time is right. I know that he's going to be everything I want and hope for and more. I know that.
It brings me peace knowing he hasn't found me yet either. I wonder where he is, what he's doing, and if he ever wonders when he will find me. There's something romantic about knowing that our worlds will collide when the moment is right.
Dude, get out of my head. Seriously, Lacy. We should hang out. I can completely empathize with all that you've said. Sometimes with our RG friends I look around and see the Grrrls with husbands and babies and I think "one of these things is not like the others". Me! Sometimes it's a freeing and empowering thought and sometimes it's a lonely thought.
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