Someone I'm Not.

I may not be totally sure of who I am, but I am sure of many things I'm not.  I think most people change over a course of a lifetime, but there are some of those people who will never change.  I have people in my life who will and won't change.  I'm glad I'm one of those people who will.

Lately I feel like my self-esteem is taking a beating.  I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to other people, but it's hard not to.  Whether I compare myself for being less of what they are or more of what they are, it's still wrong to compare.  So why can't I seem to stop?  There's a couple of people in particular that I can't seem to shake this competitiveness from. One I know for sure looks down upon me.  This person has their nose so far up in the air, that they think they're above everyone.  So why do I take it personally?  The other is a little more subtle.  And even though this person knows the struggles I've been through and how lost I've been and sometimes continue to be in finding my way, still unconsciously puts me down.  If I know it's unintentional, why does it still bother me?

I am not like either of these people.  To be honest, I don't want to be like them.  I may not have what they have.  I may not present myself the way they do.  I may not make as much money or have as nice of things.  I still work hard.  I still try my best.  I know in some ways, I am better than they are.  I am more caring, compassionate, kind, less judgmental, less assertive, more well rounded and down to earth.

So even though I may be jealous of certain aspects of who they are or what they do, I am not like them.

I am content with who I am.  Sometimes I just wish they could see it too.