Attainable Goals.

Apparently I'm one of those people who can't plan too far ahead.  I get easily overwhelmed.

I've been thinking a lot about my future and school.  I decided to go back to Hancock, get my AA, and transfer credits, transfer to Denver University and study Media, Film, and Journalism.  Problem is DU is a private school, costing A LOT of money.  

To be a writer, having a degree isn't a requirement.  I didn't think going into a massive amount of debt to go into a field where you don't really even NEED a degree was worth it....(among other reasons).  Ultimately I decided against transferring.  I've decided to stay at Hancock and just get my AA.

Had I of decided to transfer I'd be looking at at least another year and a half at Hancock to finish transfer requirements, then another 2 years at a University.  A lot can happen between now and at least 2 years from now.  

I've never been one to really push for things, because you never know what can happen.  I'm more of a go with the flow kind of person.  Planning to finish at Hancock, then transfer and get a BA, was an overwhelming goal.  I felt like I was setting myself up for disappointment.  I know how I am.  I can't set huge goals like that.  I rarely follow through with them, because they are too extreme for what I feel I can handle.

The point is, I have to remember this about myself.  I need to remember I can only set attainable goals for myself.  I always think big, when in reality, I don't have the "go big" mentality.  I need to take baby steps to reach the bigger picture.  Once those small goals are accomplished, imagine how great that will feel?  Setting small goals, means accomplishing more goals.  Why set one big goal when you can reach many small ones?!

Negative Impact

I am really, really, really frustrated and need to get a few things off my chest.

Life is stressing me out.  The things that are beyond my control, and in my future.  Things I can do absolutely nothing about at the moment, I am freaking out over.  And actually the things I can do something about, I've already done something about, but it's not coming around fast enough!

All I've been hearing about in the office the past few months is Health Care.  What kind of impact it is going to have on the company, the employees, their families, and our country.  I'm not offered insurance through my job.  They keep me at 35 hours, (so they don't have to pay for it).  I'm on my own.  It's unbelievable the amount of money that will be coming out of their paychecks to have health insurance for their families.  We got bombarded with phone calls today by employees who are freaking out.  They can't afford the outrageous cost every week.  It's truly sad.

I am hurting for the employees who live on a tight budget as it is.  The ones who won't be able to afford health care for their wives and children.  I am sad for our country.  I'm seeing the hard working class people suffering the most in these economic times.  They've lost jobs, homes, savings, retirement.  And now many of them will have lost their insurance also.

This frightens me for my future.  How will I do it?  I'm just starting out.  People over twice my age are coming out of retirement, because they can't afford to be retired anymore.  I've decided to go back to school, but I still have a few years before I earn a degree.  How will I pay for insurance and living expenses while I go to school full time?  On top of that I will have a huge burden of debt from financial aid.  How will I pay off my debt and still save money to one day own a home?  How will I afford to have children and save for their futures?

I don't know how people do it.  I've asked my mom, and she doesn't know.  I've asked my grandma, and she doesn't know.  I'm not even guaranteed a well paying career when I get a degree.  I am young, but I'm not that young.  I feel like I need to start securing for my future now, because I don't want to be that 69 year old coming out of retirement, because I can't afford my mortgage.

Times are tough, and it's really scary.

Palm Reading.

Last night my friend and I drove down to Pismo Bowl.  On the way as we drove by the Palm Reader, I said "We should do that one day."  She had never done it before and was pretty excited to try it.  I had done it once a long time ago, but I don't really remember anything that was said.  So after bowling, we went and got our palms read.

Not that I believe any of it, but I have to say it is quite interesting how spot on she can be.  She was kinda wrong with one thing in particular she said about my friend and I, but after thinking about it she wasn't so far off after all.  I'm sure she sees a lot in just how you overall present yourself, how you lay your hand out, and how relaxed you are.  My friend and I had 2 totally different styles in our approaches and how are hands were out.  My friend was more straight forward, sitting up and straight palmed.  I was more relaxed, crossed legged, and my hand was more cupped, relaxed than straight.  I think just that said a lot about our personalities.

She didn't say if I was gonna live a long, healthy life.  That is something she said to my friend right away.  She said my friend was going to have one child, a little girl, but didn't mention whether or not I would have children.  Unfortunately, those were things I didn't think to ask until after we left!  She said people come to me for advice.  I always put other people before myself, and I am my last priority.  She said I have a lot of good karma coming my way, but I have to be a little more selfish before I will see it taking effect.  I have to say "enough is enough," because people will walk all over me.  I am too easy going in that way.  I like to have things my way.  I am a hard worker and very driven.  She said I will be successful.

In love, she said 3 and 1/2 years.  I don't know if it's that time that I will meet him, or I will be married.  She said he will be a coworker, or I will somehow meet him through work.  It will be hard to work together, because we will instantly be attracted toward one another.  She said it will start a working relationship, develop into a very good friendship, and eventually become something more.  I thought this was kinda funny, because I had been thinking about the ideal way for me to meet someone.  I'm not one to be set up.  I always find it awkward meeting someone through friends, because the friends always get involved.  I knew I wanted to be friends before anything else, because the whole dating thing I find completely uncomfortable and have been dreading it!  To be honest, I hope she's right about this, because it sounds so much better than the other options!

What she was wrong about was the past relationship.  She said she sees me rekindling it or something.  I said "God, I hope not."  She then asked how long ago it ended, so I told her "About a year and a half ago."  This part, honestly, kinda made me mad.  She said if I was completely over it I would have said "Oh it was a long time ago."  But since I answered so precisely, she said that I may not be completely over it.  I'm sure I gave her a look, because believe me, it's over.  She said that feelings may still be lingering, because I don't feel completely over the relationship yet.  And that I probably wont until someone else comes along.  And that, I do agree with.  As much as I am done with him, I don't feel like all ties are cut off yet.  But I don't think that I can cut those strings until I start seeing someone else.  It's like that relationship is hanging on by a thread, because I haven't found someone else to distract me from it.  But what am I supposed to do?  No one else has come along!  That whole thing is kinda frustrating!

We were able to ask a few questions.  I asked if she sees me finishing school, and she said yes.  (Thank God someone sees that happening in my future)!  She said I will be very successful in my career, and she sees a lot of travel.  I asked if she sees me being successful in my future in the area or if I will be moving out of it.  Before I tell you what she said, let me just say moving has been in the back of my mind for awhile.  I'm not sure I want to go to Cal Poly after Hancock or where.  I really have no idea where else I would go.  My entire family lives in the area.  I think it would be so hard for me to leave.  On the other hand, I feel like it would be good for me to get away.  It's an experience I've always felt I've missed out on.  Anyway, she said that she doesn't see me always living in the area.  She said it will be a decision between me and my soul mate on where we will live.  Interesting...

Whether it's true or not, it was fun to go!  I think we'll even go again next year or something just to see how our readings change.  She sat down with us each for maybe 10 minutes and gave a pretty detailed reading.  I think it was worth the 10 bucks.  If not for the reading, for the time it killed, the conversation we had afterward, and the imaginative ideas and creativity it's sparked in our minds.