When Did Being Nice Make Me Desperate?

When did being nice begin as a lead on?  It seems like I can't even talk to a guy anymore without the assumption (on his part) that there is something lying beneath the friendliness.  At what point did I become desperate?  Because that's the way it's making me feel.  Why can't two single people have a conversation without a participant or observer thinking it could be the start of a budding romance?  It's hard enough being single, but worse to feel singled out.

And when did Facebook become a suitable outlet in asking someone out?  Or even text messaging?  If it's not an option to do in person or if there is fear in asking that person face to face, when did it become so hard to pick up the phone?  It's not even like you have to grab the cordless and run away into your room to have some privacy.  It's more like whip out the cell phone from your back pocket and call wherever you are.  I absolutely love technology.  I'm all about the social networking and blogging.  But I guess when it comes to love and dating, I'm a romantic.  I want to be pursued.  I want to be called and seen in person.  I want him to make a little effort.

I feel like I have a big red S for SINGLE written on my forehead.  I run into an old friend, and we catch up.  All of a sudden I feel like I need to make it clear I'm not interested in being anything more, because I'm not sure what he's thinking about our reconnected friendship.  Is it an assumption on my part that he wants something more?  Is it better for me to make it clear right off the bat?  Or should I say nothing and let it run it's course?  I meet a guy that I think could be someone fun to hang out with.  Then he's got to ruin it by saying we should have dinner.  Is this a casual friend dinner or this a lead into "I want this to be something more" dinner?  There's a fine line.

When did being single become so complicated?  I'm not necessarily on the prowl.  I don't think "could he be the one?" with every guy I meet.  I'm just trying to go through life, minding my own business, and hopefully pick someone up along the way.  All these assumptions on other people's parts isn't making this independent soul searching experience any more easy or fun.  Just because I go out to the bar, doesn't mean I'm looking to get picked up.  Maybe I really do just want to have a beer.  Just because I'm friendly, doesn't mean I'm interested.  Maybe I really am just looking for friendship or an acquaintance.  Maybe I'm not looking for anything at all and am just simply trying to make conversation!

I am really starting to feel desperate.  All because why?  Other people are making me feel that way?  Because maybe I am a little lonely and I'm letting them get into my head?  I do feel like a target though.  All my friends have someone.  All my family has someone.  I'm going to be 27, and I'm like the only single person I know.  I'm fine being single, but when did it start becoming so lonely?

It Can't Be Me.

Sometimes I feel like all I write about are boys, loneliness, being single, and the fact that I have no "other." I'll warn you...I'm continuing with that today.

There was a good period where I liked being independent.  I liked the time to get to know my parents again.  I liked living at home and saving money.  I liked doing what I want, when I want.  I liked not having to care about someone else's feelings.  I liked having very little responsibility.  I don't have to worry about getting nervous, going on dates, the "Is he going to kiss me or not?" moments.  I don't have to worry about getting dropped off at home with barking dogs, if my parents are up wondering when I'm going to get home, where we would go to be alone and hang out.  There is so much about dating, that I'm glad I'm not.

But there are little things that really make me wonder.  One, is the fact that the ex is still dating the girl he left me for.  How is this possible?  He is NOT a good catch.  I don't even know what I was thinking when I dated him.  How does he have someone and I do not?  I am an AMAZING catch.  Seriously.  People are lucky to know me!  Two, how do high maintenance, ugly, mean, bitchy girls go on dates and get in relationships?  I can't even find one decent guy to look at me longer than 2 seconds.  Three, where do you even meet people?  I joined like 5 different softball teams.  I have an amazing group of friends, who are all married, and only know people who are married and relationships. (It seems like anyway).  I go to the bars.  (Even though they are not my favorite places to.  Some free drinks are better than nothing, even if the guy is buying them for the friend that I'm with).

Still, I think there just comes a point, where you begin to think "It must be me."  But I know it's not.  I know who I am, and what I have to offer.  I know that any guy would be lucky to have me.  I know the value of what I am worth.  I don't come cheap.  I know that.  It's just going to take the right guy.  I know that.  I can't sit around hoping he will come and find me.  I know that.  I've been doing all I can to keep busy, have fun, worry about myself, and just keep my mind off of being lonely.  I know the he will come into my life when the time is right.  I know that he's going to be everything I want and hope for and more.  I know that.

It brings me peace knowing he hasn't found me yet either.  I wonder where he is, what he's doing, and if he ever wonders when he will find me.  There's something romantic about knowing that our worlds will collide when the moment is right.

Jennifer Aniston

People need to give the poor girl a break.  Honestly, I feel kinda bad for her.  Just because she hasn't been in a serious relationship since things went sour with Brad Pitt, doesn't mean she's not over him.  It's everyone else that hasn't let it go.  I think she's done just fine on her own.  I think she's totally over him.  I think she just hasn't found the lucky guy who will replace him.

I can relate.  At least she's had rebounds, flings and interests to keep her preoccupied until Mr. Right comes along.  I've had no such luck.  I think there's a few things I can learn from Ms. Aniston.  Keep a positive attitude.  She hasn't given up on love, and neither will I.  She has a better public image than Angelina, because let's face it, she's not the home wrecker, which doesn't say much for Brad either.  So really, she's come out from that one on top.  She has public sentiment, because he broke her heart and their marriage.  I don't doubt that she's lonely.  I'm sure it's painful to have Brad and Angelina's relationship flung all over the tabloids and constantly rubbed in her face, but she keeps a strong image.  She's never bad mouthed either of them and has gracefully picked up the pieces and moved on.

Even though I haven't found my Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, I, like Jenn, am just content to be me.  I know that it will happen when it will happen.  There's no need to rush or search for what will come when it's meant to be.

Crushing?

I might have a little...dare I say, crush.  I don't even know his name.  But he's way cute.  Nice smile, straight teeth, dark hair, big truck, work boots, and tattoos.  Wow.  Um..speechless.  I've only seen him and handful of times, and I think about him more than I should.  I don't even know what to do, and I don't even want to admit I may be, okay, I am really interested.

I haven't felt this way in so long.  Being single sucks, and these days I feel like I'm the only one who is.  I'm okay not being in a relationship.  I've only been on my own for a year.  But I grew apart from the relationship that I was in so long ago, that it feels I've been on my own a lot longer.  There are a few friends in particular that I feel like I can't even tell I have a crush too.  They will want to know details.  They will school me on what should be my next move, or they will take it into their own hands and completely embarrass me.

I'm not the type of girl to go after a guy.  I'm not straight forward and aggressive, and I don't intend to be.  That's not who I am.  Today, we had our first conversation, and at least now he knows what I drive.  I guess, those are baby steps.  Although now, I'm kicking myself because I should have shown more eye contact, been a little flirtier, I dunno got his number.  Man, I do not know how this shit works!