Patience.

"All the flowers of the tomorrows are in the seeds of today."

I'm a pretty patient person for the most part.  I get a little antsy while waiting in long lines, but who doesn't?    It's the bigger things that I have trouble being patient with, like life things.  I've finally decided to go back to school, but I don't want to wait until the end of January when the semester starts.  I want to go tomorrow.  It's in my head.  I'm pumped about it.  I'm happy with my decision.  I have a goal and am so excited to work towards something big, to be challenged.  Now, let's get this show on the road!

I find it insanely exciting that God already knows who I will marry.  He's out there waiting for me somewhere.  And I'm here, just waiting for him to become a part of my life.  That day needs to get here.  Not because I'm lonely, but because I'm so eager to meet him.  What will he look like?  What will be his career?  What does he do for fun?  Does he live in the area?  Have I already met him?  Have we crossed paths before?  What will his personality be like?  What kind of background does he come from?  I think it's so cool that we will be going along in our everyday lives, until that moment.  The moment where we're supposed to meet.  How can I not be fascinated and eager to find out who this man will be?

One day, I will own my own home.  I will have graduated, gotten married, maybe even have kids.  These are big things I want for my future, that I can't wait to have.  I dream about what life will be like, and find myself getting impatient waiting for them.  But for now, I am content with my life.  I'm happy in my own little world, doing my own little thing, learning all about who I am.  Sometimes, I need to be reminded that today and tomorrow are the building blocks towards my future.  Even though it may seem they are getting me nowhere, in the bigger picture they're leading me to the life I dream about.

Greed.

At times we've all suffered from the terrible feeling of greed. I, more often than I would like to admit, feel greedy. "Sadly, greed is a downward spiral that leads to envy. Envy leads to debt. All lead to discontent." I often justify my "need" for something. I work hard. I deserve it! I had a freakin' tumor at 17. It was a huge setback. In turn, I deserve this! I'm a better person than she is. I deserve it more!

When I got my first credit card, I became in debt quickly. I was depressed. I bought things hoping they would make me feel better. In a short time, I was happy to get something I wanted. Those brief moments of happiness brought me satisfaction, that I wasn't receiving elsewhere in life. Over a period of time, it was a different story. I become more depressed over the bill that came every month, about the big payment I had to make. The little happiness of impulse purchases, became one huge burden. In the big picture, the things I bought didn't make me happy, the debt didn't make me happy. My hope of buying things to make me feel better totally backfired, and I paid for it. Literally.

"When we purchase more than we can afford, we are discontent with what God has given. We no longer trust that God knows best and that He will supply our needs."

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I've never been one to rush things. "It will happen when it's meant to happen," is what I say. But the feeling of greed overcomes me, and I want things to happen now. It's human nature, but it really frustrates me. It makes me angry with myself for losing sight of what is important. That whatever I'm wanting is not yet in my plan. If it's not yet in my plan, then there are obviously more important things in my plan now, that need to be focused on. It's so easy to lose focus.

Of course, it is at this very moment when I have a heavy heart, that it's easier to remember to be content, to remember that my time will also come. That God has a great plan set out for my life, and things will come to me when He feels I am ready. It's not so easy to be content with what I have, when surrounded by those who have what I don't. "It" can be such a wide range of things to. It's not always necessarily of a materialistic value. It can physical, emotional, spiritual, professional, etc.

Jealousy and greed go hand in hand. Whether greed leads to envy, or envy leads to greed, either way it's a bad mix of emotions. How do you suppress the emotions and feel content with what you have?