School.

Yesterday I was talking to my boss about school. For me, this is a touchy subject. I really like to learn, especially when I'm not distracted with, you know - life. I nearly every day hear about how important it is to have an education from the ladies in the office. They each have kids in college or who have graduated, so I never really thought they were implying much when they talked about it....until today. My boss straight up looked at me, pointed her finger at me and said "You need to go back to school!" Um, thanks boss??

School is always in the back of my mind. I, on nearly a monthly basis think about going back. But for what?? I've gone back and forth with college so many times I've lost count. I never had anything I wanted to be, therefore nothing to work towards. I took graphic design, photography, journalism, business, music history, art history, engineering, nutrition and who knows how many other different types of classes. I took any class that I thought could spark my interest just enough that I'd want to learn more. Instead all I got was nothing, nothing, nothing and nothing again.

I really want a degree, mainly for myself. It's would be such a huge accomplishment for me considering how many times I've tried and never stuck with it. I want to feel educated. I have a lot of college education under my belt, but to everyone else it means nothing without that stupid, freakin piece of paper! I just hear everyday how important it is. It makes me feel less equipped to handle life - or something. I'm not really sure what it is. But I don't want just a general degree, that really means nothing to me. It's like general education in high school, you do it because you're supposed to. In college you have the option of learning about something you're really interested in. But what am I really interested in that I really want to learn?!

I stress over how I'm ever going to be able to support myself. I need to know that I can take care of myself without the help of my family or spouse. That's something that's really important to me. I have a really good job, that I can grow in now, but I don't think I'll ever make enough there to make a decent living. Even though most people who have a degree, don't even use it, it is a fact that they do get paid a higher wage.

So here I am, seriously debating going back to school.....again. The thing is, I hate school. I hate driving there, walking to classes, waiting in lines at the bookstore. I hate the stupid college atmosphere of girls who wear either their pajamas or not enough clothing at all. I hate the immature boys who have the lamest come on tricks I've ever seen. And I'm going to be older than most of them now, that makes it worse. I hate listening to lectures. I hate participating and being called on. I hate when you have to work with others. I hate stupid classroom rules. I'm an adult now, ya know?

This takes me to online classes. I love the internet! It's like the perfect solution! But I don't know if I have enough self discipline and motivation to take online classes on top of working full time. It sounds like a much better alternative to actually going to school though. So if I'm gonna go back, I think this is probably the route I'll take.

I am a little bummed I didn't get the whole college experience. I didn't make lifelong friends. I didn't live on my own. I didn't have just school to focus on. I always had a job. And when you're making money, you just want to make more money. School went to the back burner, because I had other responsibilities. I had too many balls in the air, and school became less important.

My boss said that it's not really a regret that she didn't go to school, it's just a choice she wishes she had made differently. A choice she has overcompensated with in her kids, because they have to go to college. I just don't want to be her age, overcompensating my decision with my kids, wishing I had done something I had the opportunity to do.

If I'm gonna do it, I know now is the time. I live at home. I'm single. My only real expense is my car payment and insurance. My job, I'm sure (since my boss would have talked me into it) would be more than willing to work with school. Now my only problem is deciding what to focus on. I took a journalism class at Cuesta. I liked it and did really well in it. The problem with journalism is it focuses a lot on broadcast journalism and I'm not into that. Still I think to write for newspapers or magazines or whatever, I think journalism is the best degree. Hancock doesn't have a journalism program, and Cuesta doesn't offer any of those classes online. Thus, making my decision even more difficult!

Still, after a lot of thinking and discussing, I think I want to do something with writing. I love to write. I'm a creative person, and it's my go to. I could write all day, everyday, about anything and everything. The problem with the other creative outlets I've looked into such as graphic design and photography, is you're creativity can dry up, quickly. I wouldn't feel comfortable handing a finished product off to a client knowing it's not my best work, just the best I could come up with. With writing, there is always something to say.

I've discussed this with my mom and my sister, but no one seems to really support me in any direction. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of support, maybe just not enough encouragement. I need a real push, okay, more like a giant kick in the ass in the direction I should take. I'm just not getting it from anyone. Except for yesterday...from my boss, of all people.